afabulouskilljoy | (no subject)

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the girl

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Poison isn't sure if he's hung over or what, but he spent half the morning after the Pride events feeling kind of groggy and a little dazed. After finally untangling himself from Jack he stumbles into the bathroom. He emerges again in a pair of his pajama pants - beige with black bears on them - and t-shirt that's too big for him. Probably Jack's. He's pretty sure he still has glitter in his hair despite his shower.

He makes a little noise, kind of pitiful, and then realizes he hasn't seen Sunny since yesterday. He goes to knock - gently - on her bedroom door.

"Sunny Girl, you here?"

He tries not to be too loud - he thinks it's only fair that he let Jack sleep.

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Girl's got her mouth open to tease him some more, but then he blushes like that and says that and both of her eyebrows raise.

"Why the hell would you think that?"

He shrugs helplessly. "He's... I'm like, six years older than him." When he says it like that, the gap sounds huge. Hearing seventeen and twenty-three didn't have the same kind of impact. Maybe it wouldn't matter as much if they were both older, but they aren't.

Poison twists his mug, still staring at it.

"Sometimes I feel like-- like he deserves to have a lot more experience before settling down with someone. I mean, I'm the only person he's ever been with." Except the blow job from Sienna and the almost-feelings for Beca.

"That's bullshit," says Girl, rolling her eyes at him and shaking her head. "That's...you're assuming that because he's young, he doesn't know his own mind. Like he doesn't know what he wants. I've seen the way he looks around you, Poison. Like there's nobody else in the world but you."

"There's also something to be said for exploring. I'm not saying he doesn't know what he wants, just--" Poison frowns. Is that what he's saying? "Just-- what does he have to compare this experience to?"

"Why does he need something to compare it to, Poison?" asks Girl, her eyebrows still raised. "Why can't you just be it? How much did you have to compare Ghoul to?" She shrugs. "Poor example, maybe. But how much did Ghoul have to compare you to? He was only a kid."

"He was only a kid, but he wasn't a virgin either. And we-- I mean we were with other people, sometimes." Usually in a threesome or something, if they both wanted it. And maybe that's different, but it's also--

He sighs.

"He's so different from what I'm used to," he says quietly. "And I'm worried that there's something about me that's gonna fuck him up, and he won't have any other experience to fall back on."

Which is maybe bullshit, too. Because he also knows that Jack has friends to talk to. But is it the same?

"I think you worry too much." She reaches out, tousling his red hair fondly. "I think he wants to be with you. I think I've never seen anyone that in love with someone. And I think that's all you need to know, P. I think that's the only thing that matters."

"Probably," he admits. He gives her a smile. Poison moves so he can hug her. "I totally shouldn't talk about this stuff with you," he says with a little laugh. "You're my kid. You're supposed to be coming to me with all your insecurities."

"No reason why it can't be a two way street, right?" she says, leaning against him. "You're not that much older than me anymore, P."

"Five years," he huffs, but he smiles small. "I know. It's just weird to me after spending six years taking care of everything for you." He sets his mug aside so he can pull her into a hug.

"Maybe now you can let me take care of you sometimes," she says, leaning into the circle of his arms. Resting against his chest. "Not all the time. Just...when you really need it."

Poison smiles gently. "I'll try to remember that you can do that these days. You uhm. You might need to do what Ghoul used to do sometimes and just tell me to shut up and sit down."

She smiles back, just as gentle, her fingers stroking lightly against the fine hair on his forearm.

"He used to do that?"

"All the time," he admits. "He made sure to get me out of my head when I got too far in it."

"Has Jack figured out how to do that for you yet?" says Girl, eyebrow raised.

"Not quite," he says with a small smile. "But we haven't been together nearly as long as me and Ghoul were. And we kinda met differently."

She smiles.

"You've never told me about how you met the first time. You and Ghoul." She leans her head against his shoulder. "You don't have to tell me. Not if you don't want to. But...I'd like to hear."

Poison smiles. "The very first time?"

He has to think about that for a moment. "We were in this rag-tag unit, all of us were pretty young. And he was so fucking small. I mean, I'm not huge but... Ghoul was short, and little. But he was so fucking fierce. And smart, holy shit. I was pretty sure all of us would be dead in like a week, except him."

"How long was that before you met me?" she asks, laughing a little at how ridiculous that sounds, when she knows exactly what happened. "Was my mom in charge of you guys back then?"

"Two years? Give or take. And year, your mom was our commanding officer. She was really great, Sunny. You remind me so much of her now." He touches her hair with a little smile.

"So you were, what...fifteen? And he was thirteen?" asks Girl, looking up at him. "How old were you the first time you...?"

"Yeah. He was fifteen when we first hooked up and then like a year or so later you came into our lives." He smiles, then looks down. "Ghoul and I were kinda dumb. Or, okay, I was dumb. We basically circled for a while and I hooked up with literally anyone that wasn't him for a while. Because he scared me."

"Literally anyone, huh?" she says, eyebrows raised. A smile tugs at the corner of her mouth. She can picture him - young and fey and beautiful. "Why did he scare you so badly?"

"I told him he made me think of a black hole," he says, almost shyly. "That if I got too close, that was gonna be it. Once you go over the event horizon there's no coming back out. And... I just felt like if I got too close to him, everything else would cease to exist. And I was not wrong."

"That's romantic as shit. Wow." She laughs a little, still leaning back against him. She takes one of his hands, idly playing with his fingers, tracing the delicate bones. "I'm sorry you lost him, P. I'm sorry we both did."